Replacement Behaviors

While I'm certainly still licking my failed IVF wounds, the past week has been filled with family, friends, nurturing, and even some light soul-searching. And it's been good for me. We never realize just how completely treatments consume our lives until they're done, allowing some semblance of normality to return. The 8 o'clock hour no longer seems empty without an injection protocol; listening to, playing, and composing music have filled that void. Crying is no longer a daily ritual; exercise has replaced that part of my routine. Laughter takes the place of heavy discussions. Fancy breakfasts displace early morning doctor appointments. Dramatic and welcomed differences.

From the time we discussed getting married, Mr. Sulfa and I always had a plan. But of course, nothing ever really goes according to plan for us. :) Infertility put a hold on most of that. For much of the time we were undergoing treatments, I just felt stuck. Well, no more! We've decided that even if we can't have children, we're going to put all our effort into accomplishing our other goals. It feels good to mentally move on and work towards something different. Wednesday's final follow-up appointment will help provide closure, too.

But you know what? Our inability to have children is crushing, but it's shown us that life goes on and everything will be okay anyway. We'll work towards bettering ourselves. But it doesn't matter if we never move out of this town, or if we're digging ditches for the rest of our lives, or if none of our goals are realized. As long as I have Mr. Sulfa, we'll be alright. Cliché, but true.